Hello to whoever may be reading this, I am Bryan. I am 31 years old and will be 32 in less than a
month and I am aging like milk. I found out last week that I have arthritis in my spine in a new
spot to go along with the confirmed arthritic lower back that I have along with arthritic-like pain
in both of my hips and shoulders and my neck. I have a litany of diagnoses (Major Depressive
disorder, Chronic PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder,
Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Substance Use Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder) and Insomnia
when all of these are activated. I am only sharing this because I am sure other people have these
diagnoses and I want to destigmatize a lot of these mental health issues.
I am in a form of recovery called Medically Assisted Treatment (MAT, fancy term I use for
suboxone), but I did not find my home in the 12-step programs that work for many people. I
remember hearing people in the AA/NA rooms of South Florida say, “my worst day sober is
better than my best day using.” I am here to say that has not at all been my experience because at
least when I was using, I wasn’t feeling the pain that I currently feel every day. The difference
between who I am now and who I was 6 years ago is that I don’t act on or listen to the voice in
my head telling me that I can release the pain by getting high. I don’t want my partner, mom, and
dad to have to bury me the way so many other families have had to do with their loved one.
I am struggling along with many people right now, and I am going to work on continuing this
conversation about mental health and the struggles I face on a daily basis. I am hoping at some
point this website can pick up some steam so it can reach and help people who are seeking for it.
Bryan Massey
